Sampling Sports My Way

So Wednesday was so-called national sports sampling day, which sounds a bit like the athletic community trying to take a page from the grocery deli counter…because if anyone deserves a “day” it’s probably the deli guy who tosses cheddar cheese slice samples all day to 3 year olds like a cornholer tosses a bean bag. But at the request of a few good friends calling on all of us to “try something new” in the name of staying active, exercising our mind, and limiting injury risk, I went outside to comply…

…The problem is the temperature here in New England on August 28th was 107 with humidity, August giving us one last middle finger. So I immediately went back inside but didn’t give up - I tossed some 15-year-old baby powder on the kitchen floor, put on some clean socks and “speed skated” around the island like Apollo Ohno. This was fun until I got a splinter and stubbed my toe on the stool. “What are you 5?,” my wife Bridget said. After complaining I needed to go to the hospital, I went back outside and looked at the pile of sticks and ivy branches I’d pulled off the house last year, grabbed the 10 longest and sturdiest ones, took a few short hops and one by one tossed those branches into my neighbor’s back yard ala the Olympic javelin throwers. I was Terry Bradshaw circa 1966 - yes, believe it or not the Hall of Fame quarterback set the national high school javelin record with a throw just under 245 feet. My throws were maybe 50 feet but just enough to leave my yard. By this time, I was drenched - the air was stale and the sun stuck to me like cellophane - I was wearing humidity like a hoodie. “You’re wearing a layer of sweat,” my wife said - “what are you doing?” I said, “well, I’m sampling sports - super exhausting, but I feel like I could accomplish anything.” To keep the momentum, I hopped the neighbor’s fence and jumped in their in-ground pool and performed a very amateur synchronized swimming session to Katrina and the Waves’ “Walking on Sunshine,” which I have to say was incredibly awkward without a partner. Synchronized swimming has been apparently renamed “artistic swimming” for the Olympics, but there was nothing artistic about my performance, particularly that moment the water went up my nose. I will say synchronized swimming is our generation’s pluto - it’s no less a sport than Pluto isn’t a planet. After toweling off I was feeling pretty good - having sampled 3 sports I’d never tried before - then my wife sent me to the market for groceries where I couldn’t resist a stop by the deli for a free slice of cheddar cheese. I put my stuff in the grocery cart and proceeded to race this nice lady Eileen in the self-serve checkout aisle. I did a “on your mark, get set, go” in my head and I was ahead but the yellow peppers did me in - I couldn’t find them in the search key - and so Eileen edged me out for the win, even though she had no idea we were competing to begin with. As sampling sports go, I’m all in - it’s pretty fun and keeps you young, and I’d say this last one was my favorite because I may have lost to Eileen, but at least I tried, and I suppose that’s the point of the exercise.

I'd argue that programs focused on getting people moving, playing and trying new things is exactly the best way to raise the health and attitude of the nation. More policy makers, states, employers and insurers are starting to pay attention and give grants and contracts to businesses getting people moving. Blue Cross Blue Shield Rhode Island once gave $1M to a company for running after school sports. Maybe it’s me, but in 2030 if you’re not invested in a program like this, you’re missing the mark…