I Love You To Death
There’s a legend that an older man on his death bed passed away because his poor family couldn’t remember his blood type. “We kept asking him, but dad kept insisting that we “be positive.” Death can be sad and tragic, but for a life well lived, death can make you belly laugh when you swap stories and begin to heal, and it can even motivate us to change our behaviors, and that's usually a good thing.
Attitudes about death have changed over the years as we can live much longer and as our healthcare has improved, and as events like this week’s tragedy in New York City hit us. Many believe a single unexpected death can rally us behind a cause, perhaps like Sandy Hook did in shaping mental health policy in this country – or perhaps this week’s shooting in NYC just a block or so from my daughter. Some say these events do little to motivate change, while others believe you can actually come back from death – heck, Johnny Cammareri’s mom “recovered from death” of all things in the classic Moonstruck film. As America ages, death is now front in center in health policy - its cost and burden both before and after, but in an interesting paradox, death can be healing, even inspiring. For instance many of us have had to deal with death early in life and this has shaped how we live according to 71% of consumers we polled. Many younger people say the loss of a parent due to an unhealthy lifestyle has led them to be more active, and some choose the passing of a friend from addiction or cancer to help those suffering from these diseases. Older people who lose a spouse are less apt to heal so easily, and instead often “take on their life partner’s” habits and behaviors. Heck my great aunt Jane acknowledged that in the years following her husband's passing. “I don’t understand why I drink Genesee Cream Ale, polish my shoes and play solitaire – I never did these things before.” She admits she never really grieved after her husband's passing and simply adopted his behaviors at least until the dementia struck, leaving only fragments of information, but no tools to piece those fragments together.
Some facing disease don't necessary hold a different view of death than everyone else, largely because their attitudes were essentially shaped by previous stages of their sickness, according to an interesting 2013 study on “Attitudes Toward Death in Healthy People vs. Those Living with Diabetes & Cancer.” Grief itself following death or in the period before it has a big cost. The Grief Recovery Institute found that employers lost about $75 billion annually back in 2003 due to grieving-related effects. That number is now well over $125 billion according to some estimates. For those in healthcare, death and grieving are unavoidable and sometimes unexpected, but they are also part of the great mission: Can you help bend the curve for people early enough to give them another year or two or 10 of quality life – can your services “extend” survival – can you help caregivers have a year or two more with someone they love, and can you help people heal in the wake of tragedy?